I'm very scared of moving away from what I know even though it makes me unhappy

ShiftDoctor answer

By Lisa Mitchell on 23 March 2007 at 11:32

It sounds as though you have been in a difficult situation, not just in your work but in your life in general. I am wondering as I read your question what else is going on in your life? What you do in your career is important but is only one part of your overall life and it's important to have balance and feel happy in all the important areas. When you have been off sick and have been stressed the brain really shuts down in terms of considering possibilities and so I'm not surprised that you feel stuck right now.

I would suggest that you start by taking small steps towards making yourself feeling happy right now in the day to day. Perhaps you could start by doing one small thing that brings you pleasure each day. It could be as simple as buying yourself a candle as a treat, walking on the beach or in the countryside or phoning a friend who you have lost touch with. I really encourage you to be in the moment when you do these things and really allow yourself to sink into the sense of enjoyment as you do whatever activity you choose. The point is to make yourself feel absolutely cherished and special. Remind yourself what it is like to be happy in the moment and allow this to start to permeate back through your life. Believe me, once you start it will become addictive and you can build up to doing lots of small things you enjoy and really seeking enjoyment in everything you do.

I would also imagine that your confidence is low at the moment. So, alongside the pleasure really start to build up your confidence again. Ask 5 people close to you what you are really good at and what they appreciate about you. Really listen and take in what they have to say. Think back to previous jobs and positions you have held both in and outside of work. What are you particularly good at? What skills and talents do you have? Again, this may feel tricky at first but you will soon get into the flow. I'm sure there are many skills that you have needed in your role as a mental health nurse that will stand you in good stead in the future. I'd imagine you have a good way with people, that you are caring and that you have been organised in getting the job done. All these are attributes that you can bring into a number of different professions in the future.

Once you start to feel happier and more confident you are in a much better place to start to look at the future and what you might want from it. Start with a broad vision - what do you want your life to be like? Don't just think about work but the whole of your life and really allow yourself to dream about the kind of life you'd really like to have.

Depending on what suits you, you might want to have this vision as a picture, some words, a photograph or a piece of music. Choose whatever taps into that part of you that is allowed to dream. So, what kind of relationships do you want in your life? Where do you want to live? How do you want to be financially? What would your work give you? What are you doing to keep yourself fit and healthy? What are you doing in your leisure time?

And, from here, from this place of openness you can then start to think about your work and what you might want to do. The only way to do this is from a place of openness and curiosity about the future. What I have tried to suggest are ways to reconnect to what brings you pleasure and what your talents are. These will be the first signposts to your future career.