Back to basics - laying the foundations

I have taken a pause from my Careershift journey, in fact I've taken a pause from everything in my life, everything I've been striving to achieve - successful relationship and career being my top priorities these past 8 months.

No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried I kept falling into holes of depression, frustration, sorrow, anger - you name it, I went through it.

Finally I got the message: without being able to generate my own happiness and look after my own well being, regardless of what's going on in my life, nothing will work. Not relationships, not career. If beneath it all I don't love myself, don't enjoy being me, can't be happy in my own company doing nothing then I'll always be striving to find that relationship, that career that will do all that for me, that will fill the gaps - and I'm never going to find that. My happiness, my well-being is my responsibility.

Without a firm foundation nothing works.

It's time to get back to basics, time to let everything go and get down to the one thing I always try to avoid - me with nothing added on.

So I've moved into a flat in Muswell Hill wtih someone I found on Gumtree and have enough money to support myself for two months without needing to do another day of work.

So without work, without a relationship, what do I do...?

Well, today I got up and went for a walk in the woods, listened to the birds, heard a woodpecker, breathed in deep and enjoyed being among the trees that were swaying in the wind. I remembered that its these simple things in life that I love, that I never grow tired of. It's these things that nurture my soul and fill me with energy and peacefulness. I went to a cafe in the woods, ate a massive piece of cake for breakfast, read some of my book, got caught in the rain and the hail, then the clouds moved away and there was a rainbow. It was like magic.

And that's been my day so far. And now I'm back at home and yes, I'm feeling a little lonely, not sure what to do next, not exactly enjoying MY company, not like I enjoyed the company of the woods and the birds, but day by day I fall a little more in love with the human being that I am and am beginning to give myself the love, nurture and VALUE that I've been looking for, for so long, to come from other people and society.